The Musician's Room: Musican's/Engineer's Joke


We join our joke at the pearly gates, where St. Pete is presiding over admissions from a tall lectern:

A man steps up. St. Peter says, “Who are you and what did you do in your time on earth?” The man says, “I’m Steven and I was an evangelist on earth.” St. Pete looks through the book of life and says, “Ah, yes sir, we’ve been waiting for you. Stroll down the golden avenue a quarter mile. Your manor is on the left, George is waiting for you at the door. Your friends and family have gathered to welcome you. There will be an orientation at 4pm and you may dine in the lodge. There’s an awards ceremony tonight, followed by a concert. May I say that you might not want to miss the awards ceremony... (wiggles eyebrows knowingly) In the meantime, George will be glad to answer any questions you have. Enjoy eternity, sir!”

“Next!” The next man steps up. “Who are you and what did you do in your time on earth?” The says, “My name is Robert. I was a surgeon on earth. My operations saved hundreds of lives on earth.” St. Pete says, “Ah, yes sir. Please take a golf cart down the golden avenue and look for your home, number 514, on the right and on the water, down about a mile. You friends and family are waiting. The fridge is stocked. There’s a welcome banquet at 5pm in the lodge, and concert at 8. For any questions, pick up the phone and dial 431. Enjoy your eternity!”

“Next!” A man steps up. “Who are you and what did you do in your time on earth?” The man says, “I’m John and I was a famous recording artist on earth.” St. Pete scans the book. “Oh, yes sir.” He pulls out a checklist: "We’ve held a limo for you. Security will escort you to dressing room five. I’m afraid the fellow from the label was here and will be waiting by your dressing room. You’ll find a catering menu on the desk. You like plain M&Ms in a dish with the blue ones removed, correct? Bottled water is short, so you may want to hoard some extra up front. Sound check at 6, doors at 7. The promoter and a few friends will be waiting for you backstage for a meet-and-greet. You go on at 9. May I say that we're so pleased to have you performing here, sir!” Off speeds the limo.

“Next!” Another man. “Who are you and what did you do in your time on earth?” “I’m Ed and I was a sound engineer for some pretty big acts.” St. Pete scans the book and his eyebrows shoot up. “YOU’RE LATE! You just missed the last cab. Here’s your pass.” Pete hurriedly leans out the gate and gestures left: “Walk down the road four blocks and enter the alley on the left. You'll see the loading dock at the end. Go over the dock, through the kitchen, and take the service elevator to the second floor. There are box suppers but you probably won’t have time to eat because they’ve discovered a ripple in the line current, which is causing a buzz in the P.A. You've got to fix that. Just as well, the meal is rubber fried chicken and potato salad, AGAIN. Jon in lighting reported that he saw your number twelve box dropped face first from five feet and snickered, ‘Good luck!’ Sound check at 5:30, doors at 7. Opening act is at 8. You are to give them no more than eight channels, no matter what they ask! Understand? We’re out of bottled water so I hope you brought your own. SCOOT!


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