Automotive Humor

The Alfa Romeo Logo lovingly reproduced
as an inlay for a custom guitar
Left, nearing completion - Right, finished

ALFA ROMEO:   "Passionate Engineering"

Alfas are great Italian-built performance cars which used to be imported into the U.S. However, as is the case with many imported performance cars, Alfas weren't exactly known for their reliability or the excellence of their parts distribution network. Look at the logo above, with the cross on the left and the serpent swallowing a man on the right. Some Alfa owner interpreted it as a prayer:

"My god, these repair costs are eating me alive."

LUCAS ELECTRICS:   "A proper gentleman does not motor about after dark."

Electrical systems and components from Lucas Incorporated were featured on many English and Italian cars. Besides being literally backwards (positive ground) from everyone else, they had an annoying habit of failing at exactly the wrong time, ie. in the dark of pitch-black night. Given the universality of the disastrous electrical failure experience, it was inevitable that some wag would name Lucas the "Prince of Darkness". Examples of typical "dark" Lucas humor:

The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."

Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.

Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.

Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

The three position Lucas switch - Dim, Flicker and Off.

The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.

"I have had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never had any trou..."

If Lucas made guns, wars would not start.

Back in the 70's, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which did not suck.

Q: Why do the British drink warm beer? A: Because Lucas makes their refrigerators.

Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone.Thomas Alva Edison invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.

Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: Check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times clockwise around your car chanting:" Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant.."

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